I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
