glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
