She announced her abortion via fbk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
