Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
