is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
