We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's even glitter on my cock...
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