So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
