Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
