I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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