Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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