the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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