I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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