A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
