Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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