Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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