1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need water and some morals
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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