genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
