i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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