I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
