she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
