Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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