I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
