What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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