Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
