Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
