OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
