Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
