the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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