...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
