I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
