I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
