This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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