I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
