Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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