peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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