he wants to bone in the snuggie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
