If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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