I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
