i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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