I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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