Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
