Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
