I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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