i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
