We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
