i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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