Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
