How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
