yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
