My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
