I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
