I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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