Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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