Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
